FOUNDATION FOR JOYFUL FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

The family is the basic unit of the society: in other words the foundation of the society and the world. If we come from the scriptural creation stories, it will be seen from the onset, that the family immediately and directly resulted from the creation of Adam and Eve. The commandments given to them embodies the family system, therefore, it is appropriate to state that the family is the foundation of society and the world.

The synonyms of the word family include relations, relatives, people, kin, children, ancestors. The Microsoft Encarta Dictionary defines the family as a group of people who are closely related by birth, marriage, or adoption. A group of people living together and functioning as a single household, usually consisting of parents and their children.

The synonyms for the word relationship include ‘association, affiliation, bond, link, liaison, rapport, connection, etc.’ When you extend these synonyms a little further, you will see other words like friendship, union, alliance, attachment, contact, cooperation, involvement, understanding, affinity, empathy, etc. The images that come into my mind as you contemplate these words include social, business, filial and marriage relationships.

Relationships are at the root of all forms of human endeavour. Experience has shown that some foundational issues must be fully considered in order for us to build joyful family relationships. Some relationships that are critical to human peace, happiness and growth are those associated with sexes. This is because they are usually the prelude to the ultimate relationship – the family relationship. These foundational principles will serve all of these types of relationships very well. It would, however, serve the family and its associated preliminary relationships – dating, courtship and marriage – the best.

The foundational considerations for lasting and joyful family relationships include:

• friendship
• mutual respect
• honour
• faith in God
• trust
• clarity of purpose
• integrity
• virtue
• love
• communication
• understanding
• independence
• forgiveness
• family values

Find a relationship that has endured and you will find these elements at its foundation are well developed from dating period and over time. Find a relationship that has collapsed and you’ll find that these virtues were lacking or were not strengthened over time. Those men/women relationships that are still there that lack these elements are one of the hundreds of millions of marriage relationships that are mere caricature of the real thing. Many involved confess being trapped, confused, and running high-blood pressure. It takes a life time to build up and sustain the marriage relationships that are well founded. What is the hope for those built upon the sand of sexual intimacy? Most relationships are hanging on because children are involved, or the partners are afraid of what people would say or being seen as failures.

There is a higher doctrine of marriage and family the world needs to seriously be considering at this time. This is the eternal dimension of marriage and family relationships. The popular thing known to man is “till death do us part”. Marriage is part of the eternal plan of God for His children. If we plan marriages on ‘till death do us part’ basis, we increase the chance of failure and heartache. But if we plan marriage with a vision of the eternal relationship in mind, we would make the foundation sure beforehand. Families can be together forever through Heavenly Father’s plan.

Persons planning to get married or those already married should appreciate that they are on a journey for the establishment of the most important unit of all existence. There is the need to seek these qualities in our dating partners and if we are already married to seek to develop these qualities. They would guarantee the endurance of our relationship and its survival.

Many dating or courtship partners fall into the mistake or conclude that their relationships entitle them to sexual relationship with one another. We all need to know that the depravity of premarital sex is not a mere religious jargon. It is a foundational issue for the success or failure of marriage relationships. Avoidance of premarital sex would enable dating and courtship partners seek out these qualities in one another or develop them. But sexual intimacy during dating and courtship becloud the partners ability to see negative traits of incompatibility and leads to the making of marriage decisions on the wrong reasons for getting married.

Sexual intimacy, no matter how thrilling, has no capacity to sustain a relationship beyond ‘one hour’. I want to be quoted on this. Sexual intimacy is critical, wholesome, and beautiful in marriage relationship. Outside marriage, sexual intimacy produces only pain and anguish and I consider it dangerous to the real and ultimate desires of the young single adults working to establish marriage and family relationships.

Instead of premarital sex, dating partners can advance their relationship faster towards marriage and joyful family relationship if they used the opportunity of their dating to learn about one another and develop, build and strength the foundational elements for joyful relationships enumerated above. Dating and courtship would be great fun games if the period is effectively utilized to test one’s partner’s commitment to grow friendship, respect for one another, and understand the true meaning of love and the sacrifices therein. For example, it would be great to know that love is not about merely looking into each other’s eyes to discover how much sexual arousal we have evoked in them, but more about both partners looking at the same objective.

In the coming days, we would be bringing you more understanding of and, strategies for developing these foundational elements for your joyful family and other relationships.

To your relationship success,

Francis O. Nmeribe is a Relationship expert and coach and the President of Success Publishers ® He is the author of two bestselling books – “Foundation For Joyful Relationships” and Growing From Your Experiences”. You can contact Francis by Email: successpublishersng@gmail.com or Website: www.successpublishers.com.ng. Blog: http://marryright.wordpress.com for more free rich content relationship ideas.